I’m starting a blog because I have a lot to say and I have a very hard time writing in a journal. It’s odd, but I feel more self-conscience writing things down in a place where no one else will ever see it. Not that I think anyone will be remotely interested in reading things I have to say, but they could if they wanted to. Also, I’m really bored.
I don’t really know “how” to blog or if there is a “how”. By no means am I a writer of any kind, nor do I think I have anything particularly interesting or insightful to add to the many voices already out there. Despite all that, I find myself really hoping that people read what I have to say. This isn’t a very good sales pitch, I know. I don’t really have the confidence to sell myself, I’m more of the “I hope someone finds my self-deprecation charming” type. However, what I lack in intelligence, wit, talent, or charisma, I make up for (ish?) with a lifetime (well, 31 years) of unique experiences and perspectives. I know, it’s a hell of a bold leap to claim to be unique on the internet in 2017, but hear me out.
I’m a lesbian, which isn’t rare until combined with some other facts about me. I spent over 10 years in the Marine Corps, the first seven years were under DADT which banned gays in the military. About 1.4% of all female Americans have served in the Military. Only 0.8% of all Americans severed in the Marine Corps and less than 7% of Marines are female. I don’t know how many Veterans are LGBTQ, much less what percentage of the total population are gay, female Marines, but I bet it’s a very small number. Aside from my military career, I have a number of physical and mental heath issues. The most rare of my health issues is a genetic disorder called Marfan Syndrome, it affects about 1 in 20,000 people and causes me all sorts of issues from injuries and chronic pain to heart and lung problems. I would be REALLY interested to know of any other person that has Marfan’s who has served in the Military. I have severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD (which I never talk about because people assumed it’s related to my military career), and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
I’ve also had some pretty unique experiences. I’ve had dinner with my favorite band, I’ve chatted with the casts of my favorite shows, I’ve watched the best women’s soccer players in the world compete, I’ve toured all over the country with rock bands, and I almost died in Thailand. I grew up a queer kid in a Southern Baptist church, I grew up poor and abused, surrounded by drugs and drunks. I’ve been to basically every major city in U.S., I spent time in Iraq and Afghanistan, I’ve embarrassed myself in front of famous people, and I’ve ended up in the most random, unbelievable situations.
Basically, I want to ramble on about every little thing I mentioned here, each in their own little blog post. I want to tell people about my perspectives on the world, about how much I love the tv show Wynonna Earp and Women’s Soccer players , I want to rant about bigots, I want to talk about mental illness so much that people stop thinking it’s weird to talk about, I want to tell people they aren’t alone when they struggle, I want people to tell me I’m not alone. So please, if anything I mentioned interest you, let me know so I can tell you more, or if there is something you want me to talk about that I didn’t mention, ask. I want to matter again, and I don’t think a blog is going to accomplish that, but at least I’m doing something and I need something to do.
Sorry, it's a lot. 
I don’t have any profound or particularly insightful comments. All I really wanted to say is that I would be interested in reading whatever stories you choose to tell. I don’t have the courage to share that much of myself, and I’m a bit in awe of those that do. Also, I find your self-deprecation charming.
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Thank you. Thank You. Thank You!
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I too find it very charming! 😉
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You my dear Twin, are braver then most! Continue with love and know that your words will be read and I’m guessing it will help many!
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Thank you, twin!
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Hello!! I understand the need for the blog as I have in as well. Keep talking and telling your stories about the things that matter to you. People will find you and read what you have to say.
I suffer from that lack of self worth and depression. But I muddle through. I write knowing only one person reads it and it is worth the time.
I will add to my blogs that I follow. Just know someone is out there listening to you.
Much love and joy!!
LAL
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Yes! Thank you so much for understanding and for making me feel heard.
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I don’t know – I think you’ve got a great start right here. I’m looking forward to hearing more of your stories, rants, and perspectives. Keep going!
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You matter. Whether you write a blog or not. I am always happy to hear people’s stories if they want to tell them. I may not know what to say but I can definitely listen ☺
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first , jealous you got to meet Zoie Palmer.. huge fan..
Blog away .. i can relate to most of what your saying.. mental health stuff, military, Don’t ask, Don’t tell, one of the only females for most of my deployments..etc. etc.. so Carry on soldier. Rant, Joke, Be Sarcastic and Blog away! ps Earpers ROCK!!!
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this is exactly what I was hoping to hear from people. Thank you!
Zoie is great, maybe I’ll start working on a blog about experiences with the Lost Girls cast?
I’ll definitely have a lot to say about being a female and being gay in the military.
Thank you so much for reading.
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Kudos for taking the leap and putting yourself and your feelings right out there. Clearly, your voice is a welcome one and you are already demonstrating how to be brave. I am inspired by your willingness to admit vulnerability and your tenacity to move forward despite it. Thank you. If you post nothing else, you have already accomplished much. I do hope you keep going though and recognize that we are here with you.
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This brought tears to my eyes. Since i lost my career, I feel like I have nothing to offer, but thinking that even one person can find meaning in my words makes it all worth it.
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Am intrigued with this blog. Myself being a strong mental advocate – this is something I would love continue to listen and root you on. And same time, share your story with others where/when I think its significant to share and discuss. Keep sharing, inspire others (including me).
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You have a very interesting life indeed. Please share more about anything you feel like sharing, thank you!
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Oh, Heather, you do matter. Very much. Reading your blog makes me want to read more and know more about you. Just write. Rant. Whatever. Earp it up! (I love the show) Vent. It is all good to do and it helps. I’ve had a long battle with depression and can say that talking about these things is important, necessary even. I’ll be looking forward to reading more from you. So please keep sharing!
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Thank you so much for reading and encouraging me!
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Thank you for sharing your story, and this is a great introduction. Telling the truth about mental health is so important, because the stigma will only go away if more people speak out and everyone realizes that it’s normal. Looking forward to reading more! PS – you matter.
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Just registered here to left you kudos and comment. Hi, I read you and even if l’m not a marine or a defender or an experienced con visitor or a great traveller your stories always just click. I’ve read about your retirement and it was like my biggest recent fear exposed. And here you are writing about all these hard things so honestly and l know what crisis is but I
can’t even imagine what you’re going through everyday considering all your circumstances. I think you are a hero, really.
Write please when you can, it’s important.
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